Crushing 13 on MANAS GHALE

There’s a tinted smile in my face as i write this now, as one of my lovely teenage memory is evoked  in the process.  It dates back to the time when i used to be a normal impulsive teenage girl who had just begun to feel this crazy, most popular emotion of a teenage-life called ‘infatuation’. Lets call it ‘having crush on somebody’, because that is what it exactly means in the teenage version of a dictionary.  I had suddenly started to feel different from the regular. I blushed a lot and very often, even when nobody was  around. Inspite of having been a lot more tom-boyish in nature for being born in a male-dominated family, that shy tickly feeling from the inside would not just go away. And, this had started to bother me a lot because i felt that it was just not right for my ‘Need for Speed’ image. But i could do nothing about it, because it was something that happened itself.

I had no control over this automated feeling.

 Infact, the condition gets even more worsened when out of the blue the hot single nepali track ‘Chudaina’ by the ‘Nepsydaz’  hits the TV screen like a storm. The video goes viral in the internet.  It was everywhere then, but its after-effect lasts till today. The ‘Nephop’ followers may know exactly what im saying right now. The track came like a boon at the very right time when the young nepali crowd were too much into the likes of ‘Eminem’ and were desperately wishing for someone from the nepali music industry to come up with something like that. The ‘Nepsydaz’ were so Eminem-inspired that their flow, lyrics, accent and more importantly their tracksuits  resembled the infamous white-rapper. The nepali boys were totally fascinated by the hiphop band. And, BROmance was in the air!. More seriously, the nepali girls were swept off their  feet by Kiran Shrestha’s polished intimidating  attitude, Gyanon Chitrakar’s  impeccable screen presence, and Manas Ghale’s cute face followed by his tailored english-accent.  All the females were crushing on them, and i too happened to be in the league somehow. The phrase ‘Do not follow the crowd, Just be yourself’ had lost its credibility on me. Kiran Shrestha was my favourite rapper, but Manas Ghale aka ‘Loorey’  was the one who made my heart jump every time i saw him. That thumping from the inside whenever i saw the ‘Chudaina’ video was so intense that even Dr Dre’s beat would sound infrasonic in this hypothetical comparison. I did not know his name then, so, i would call him ‘Black tracksuit lagaune keta’ meaning the guy wearing a black tracksuit, which he actually wore in the video.  I have not mentioned his dance moves yet, but it is to be known that it added a fair share to the drooling factor.  I had even tried copying those moves in my lonesome time once and nearly fell off flat on the floor like Aladdin’s carpet. Manas Ghale’s fair Korean-looking face had started becoming hypnotical on me every passing day. My 7^th grade examinations demanded hard-work & vigilance, but i could hardly keep focus. My mind was under my heart’s arrest. My grayish ‘femme-fatale’  world suddenly turned into a pink ‘Paris Hilton’ world where all things were butterflies & candyflosses. I was in denial no more. I had accepted the fact that i have fallen for Manas Ghale. But, what difference would it make, as half of the nepali  girls were in the same state  as i was in. Moreover, he was an artist, and i would seem to be nothing more than a star-struck fan to him.  I had tried writing to him a couple of times but in vain due to lack of precocious internet-intelligence.  

Sadly enough, that feeling could not survive the race against time. Hence, it died!, but i don’t remember singing a requiem for it. Perhaps, it was because i did not even realize that i overgrew the feeling.  The thought of Manas Ghale did not hover around my head anymore, neither did it put me into  desperation. There was no prickle in the heart & no tickle in the tummy like it used to be before. It was gone...as i grew!

Today, he is in my facebook friends-list, and he knows nothing about it still. I clearly know i can use this as a good opportunity to do the same, but the question lies in the feeling.  Do i still feel the same for him? Does my heart beat the way it used to? Do i yet emote for that ‘Black tracksuit lagaune keta’? Do i scratch his name in my tuition-copy now?  Lord, no! I don’t.  I am not that 13yr old girl anymore. I have changed, and so has my feelings. By the way, he has changed too. That cute face has grown moustache and a goti now (smiles). Sincerely, i don’t feel a genuine urge to tell him about my ‘past teen-crush’ on him, because i  speak & write only what i feel...and what im going through.  This should however not give you an idea of me remaining volumeless all this while like a notorious character  from an old Charlie Chaplin movie. I have shared a few good ‘Hi & Hellos’ with him. He’s been nice, and i’ve been better.

Whenever i see or read him on my homepage now, i smile at myself and respect the sheer realization of the fact that the feeling i once had  for him was nothing close to ‘LOVE’. It was just an infatuation..., namely ‘CRUSH’ like i said in the beginning.  The feeling was irrational and short-lived.... but the truth that i once felt it stays immortal down my memory lane.